I’m doing my best. Just like all the brave-even-while-shaking human beings out in the world.
Today I’m celebrating it. High-five’ing it. And also rescuing it from being cheered on with the well-intended, yet oh so horrible Unicorn Frap.
Yesterday and today some things clicked for me regarding my varied range of feels over my current work environment (don’t worry, this won’t go down like a horrible Facebook post that’s highlighted in LinkedIn’s list of top five things not to say about work online).
Five o’clock Friday I said farewell (while surprisingly doing the ugly cry) to the office assistant who is moving out of state (I’ve known this day was coming for a month but that didn’t matter apparently). She was the only person I really clicked with on both a professional and personal level all these months and the only one who knew how "The Vault" worked (venting without gossiping). After giving me the biggest hug and driving off into the sunset towards her new adventures on the West Coast, I sat in my office with her piles of papers and binders on my desk realizing a few things about my year and a half dive into all the new-to-me office vibes.
- My internal response towards co-workers has been to shrink. But my truth is too big for that shit to continue. I can stand in my truth without sacrificing respect towards others who make me want to drink all the mixed drinks by 10am.
- I have focused too much on them.
- I have given too much of my head and heart space to them.
- I have allowed their chaos to become my chaos.
- I have worried about what they will think of me way too damn much.
- I have worried too much that they will fire me if they found out how different I am (even though I slay at what I do).
- I have worried about them to the point of not revealing my authentic self by building thick and tall walls.
- I have forgotten how the universe will always and ever conspire around my best efforts. So if I get ditched it will all work out for my good. Always. Why? Because the Universe likes me living from my truth no matter if it’s popular, unpopular, messy, clean, or goes a different direction.
The first step to realign myself is to call out and recognize what is going on. Check.
Let the realignment begin. (Also, fire off the confetti cannons to mark the start of shifting back to my truth.)
I feel like Monday will be the start of a do-over since my partner in handling all the details is gone. Not a do-over in how I do my work (remember, I slay at that already), but how I process and respond to allll the things in-between the forms and files. Now is the time to utilize my ladyballs, put on a figurative floaty device, and rise from the daily sea of office vibes with all its wild currents.
Let the deconstruction of ridiculous walls and the reconstruction of fences commence.
P.S. Don't fall for it... the Unicorn Frap is very intriguing but your taste buds will struggle hard to power through the pretty - or so I hear.